The Resume Store's GET-A-JOB Blog

Impacting, Memorable, Unforgettable

By Arnie Sherr

“Hey, don’t you remember me? We met about 5-years ago; in fact, we had dinner together at The Palm. I remember it like it was yesterday.”

How embarrassing; I cannot bear to tell her that not only do I not remember her or that diner, I cannot even recall her name. Is she putting me on?

Sounds like an episode of “Two and a Half Men”; but remember, TV emulates life. Why does she remember me and I cannot recall any of it. Is there something wonderful about me or am I just that unforgettable?  I do not think that much of me as to believe I so wonderful or, for that matter, unforgettable.  

So why then do some remember what others cannot?

Many times, it may have little or nothing to do with he or she remembered. It may have been a time in her life when this happenstance meant something special; perhaps after a hurtful breakup from a significant another. Maybe, she had never eaten that The Palm and always fantasized at doing so. Who really knows? What I do know is that I cannot remember a thing about that night.

Whatever the reason, she was impacted in a way or ways that caused that experience to be engrained in her memory. It may have been me or something totally unrelated to me.

As a writer of resumes, I try to write documents that influence their readers in ways that cause an indelible impression; one that stays vivid even after interviewing several others.

What is amazing about this noble objective is that seldom do I know if what I have written actually worked. Did the circumstance I describe happen or was it perhaps that my customer(s) were last or near last to interview. I guess I will never know. Nevertheless, I continue to try.

What is it that makes one public speaker more impacting than another? Hey, there are several 6^th grade teachers. Why is it some excel and others do not? Their lesson plans are identical; their schools the same, their class IQs equal; what then makes the difference?

If not the content, what then makes the difference?

When our political decision makers assess how students are doing in school, they foster a direct coloration between results and those whose task it is to promote them. It generally falls as the responsibility of teachers to teach in ways that elevate student progress. Most teachers emanate from similar collegiate accomplishments; they teach varying grades but do so with the best interests of their students in mind. So why then do some classes do better and others fall short?    

I can certainly understand that teachers after preaching the same subject repeatedly may become somewhat complacent. In addition, such complacency may result in lessening enthusiasm. Then there are teachers who remain engaged irrespective of the content of their teachings. After all, teachers are humans too.

Why is it Wayne Dyer, PhD captivates his audiences over-and-over. He does not appear to me as particularly flamboyant. However, he does sound engaged, actually believing that which he professes. His enthusiasm rings true with every word, every statement and every message. Even non-believers become interested if only to criticize it later. He owns that quality to leave a lasting impression.

While attending High School, in the year 19??, I had a biology teacher that, at least for me, was so engaging that I never had to study for his exams and I aced them all. Every word and every thought engrained in my mind. Given that, I had no interest in biology before or since; it is amazing that I aced his class based solely on his ability to induce my memory sensors like no other teacher before or after. It is the same phenomenon I experience when listening the Dr Dyer, and a few others. For the most part, such impressionable speakers are rare. I suspect that is true for most of us.   

My friends, the interview is no different. Unless you are the lone candidate in an emergency hiring situation, the chances you will get a job on the spot is remote, to say the least. Someone or a few will have to remember your interview and what is worse, they will have to remember it after interviewing any number of others after you.

This is why I preach role-playing repeatedly. Planning your interview script and following it as if a part in a three times daily performance, play. After all, one might equate the offer of employment as your trophy.

In today’s volatile and highly competitive jobs environment you must be at the top of your game.

My message is clear…

“If you have never properly acted before, get an acting coach; if you have never properly interviewed, get an interview coach. In both cases, your future depends upon it.”

Lori Pritchard asked, "When trying to create positive change, it often involves getting rid of things or people in your life who are causing more harm than good. What problem(s) you have experienced in breaking negative ties?"

About Lori Pritchard, PhD Candidate

Arnie Sherr wrote: Two words within your question are not part of my vocabulary, “problem” and “negative.” The word "negative" is perceptive at best. What is “negative” for one may be another’s positive. In determining if something or someone presents an unfavorable circumstance, it is important to assess one’s own contribution to that which we deem as “negative.”  I think a better description of such situations, relationships, or circumstance falls under the umbrella of compatibles or in the case of your question, incompatibles.

Separating one’s self from incompatibles is easily prosecuted and generally requires no explanation; that is, unless an explanation is requested. For example, if found in an employment situation for which the employee receives little or no appreciation, value or satisfaction; resignation may be in order. Crying foul and criticizing a previous employer is unjustified regardless of sour grape perceptions because, 1) serves no personal or professional purpose, and 2) such hostilities generally arise when situations are essentially incompatible. One person’s incompatibility may be another’s compatibility.       

 Breaking incompatible relationships offer other considerations, especially for those who embrace sensitivity. For people who are not sensitive to the needs of others, breaking “negative” ties is generally a mechanical process. If goodbyes in whatever form are tendered by insensitive people, and many times the absence of goodbyes is replaced by unexplained disappearance; they may be structured as “you can do better” or “I am not worthy of you”, patronizing reasons for escaping – coward/dishonest.

In all scenarios, whether breaking ties is easy or challenging, or is directly related to how one participated in the relationship. It matters not if the relationship is between two or more persons, an employer, or any group in which there are personal or professional ties. If one participated with integrity, sensitivity and sincerity, then viewing the breakaway as mere incompatibility is logical. On the contrary, if one participated in the relationship dishonestly, breaking away involves a series of challenges that include accepting responsibility for hurting someone or something; bearing the guilt and ramifications that may result. It is in these cases that those initiating the breaking of ties generally try to avoid guilt by deferring blame by telling the entity or person that, in whatever form, they are not worthy of the entities’ or person’s relationship.

Then there is the issue of “positive” change. Change is of the most unsettling mental weights. Most humans find change difficult to decide and if having made the decision, even more difficult to expedite. Often times, after change(s) has occurred, the “changer” regrets having done so. Therefore, I advise my clients when considering changing jobs or career paths to dig deep into the research aspect before acting upon what may be impulsive motivations. Most times reason for change relates to perceptions of “stress.” Once I make the point that there is no stress, only stressful thoughts, the conversation changes to “What can I do view things differently? Wayne Dyer PhD said, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Ergo, if the relationship or situation appears “negative” or incompatible, is it really?  One person’s negative may be another’s positive.

Since it my experience that most make changes impulsively, my best advice is to slow the process and rethink the situation when emotions are uninvolved. Emotions distort reality; therefore, many find that what feels right when upset, hurt, angry or otherwise, is much less troubling after emotions have quelled.

But then, there is another side to the “change” coin.

“Why Change is so Hard”

Managing Change - Why Change is so Hard and What to Do about It

By Jack Zavada

Change is hard—so hard, in fact, that most of us avoid it at all costs.

By avoiding change, we create even bigger problems, such as lost opportunities, broken relationships, or sometimes a wasted life. Millions of people who need to change are drifting along with no real purpose, no joy, feeling as if they are traveling a dead end street.

I can relate. I have had to make some major changes in my life, and each time they were painful. I usually fought those changes until I reached my misery threshold, then I reluctantly did something rash to escape the bad situation. READ MORE

This is more reason to rethink and rethink; to be sure, it is not enough to merely want change, it must be right. Making change decisions are difficult and disconcerting whether right or wrong; however, wrong change decisions are doubly or more hurtful to all concerned. Therefore, being certain and second-guessing what appears as certainty is in order.

 

 

 

Building and Advantaging a Supportive Inner Circle

By Arnie Sherr, President and CEO “The Resume Store" and Host of the GET-A-JOB Hour 1340 AM Tampabay, Florida

Who are your “devils advocates”? You know; those folks who in spite of their friendship and affection unintentionally hold you back by telling you “it cannot be done, odds are against or, now during a troubled economy is not the time.”

As I reminisce, it was my dad whose interminable advice was, “stop dreaming.” Ya’ know, like most I loved my dad very much, but as Joel Osteen so artfully defines, to successfully conquer your passions, dad and other “don’t-do-it-ers” are to be loved from afar. Your “Inner Circle” is comprised of those that feel you fervor and dedication to achieve the greatness for which you affirm with fantasies of having already arrived.  

In prior writings, I suggested discarding co-workers whose habitual complaints and criticism promote rumors and denigrate morale. In fact, joining in with or succumbing to such habits lumps you in with what management labels as “high maintenance.” When push comes to shove it is, “high maintenance” employees that top the lay-off list. Developing social and at-work Inner Circles is the ammunition that catapults career-minded adventurers upward. Most times, you will find yourself growing along side the other members of your inner circles. Just as negativity is infectious, so are enthusiasm, drive and vision-driven ambition. Do not allow evil doers and altruistic soothsayers knock you off course.

“Swim in murky waters, and you will emerge coated with the murk that slowed your arrival; swim in clean waters and not only will you emerge clean, unfettered and ahead of schedule, your vision of success shall not have been blurred by the murk of others.”  - Arnie Sherr  

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We all hear over and over the negative. Sedlom does the media relate the positive. Evidence that there are jobs to be had is because if 12 percent are unemployed then 88 percent are employed. That relates to glass being just shy of 90 percent filled. Doen't look so bad when looking down from the top as opposed to up from the bottom. The facts suggest there has been growth, beit ever so slow even modest growth is encouraging. With every passing day, week and month the light at the end of the employment tunnel shines a little brighter.

Upload my book - it's FREE and filled with good ideas, effective strategies and encouragement.

Arnie Sherr, President and CEO

The Resume Store

 

 

 

Do you like you? by Arnie Sherr

Thank you G-d for making me unique; after all,

if He wanted us all to be the same, He would

have made us all ugly. – Arnie Sherr

 

Scientific studies suggest Human genetic variation  among humans is approximately 2 percent, which translates that humans are 98 percent genetically identical. The remaining 2 percent is made up of physical difference; color of skin, height and weight, race, appearance (hair color, hair or bald, facial features), skeletal makeup, length of limbs, sound of voice, mental health and psychological balance, and others.

  

 So, what’s not to like?

  

 So many suffer from poor self-perception, feeling inferior to just about everyone. In psychiatric terms it is generally diagnosed as “inferiority complex.” There are a myriad of reasons why someone feels inferior to others; upbringing, poor childhood experiences, lagging school grades, teasing from peers, criticism from bosses and supervisors, etc. My feeling is, for all of the above to be able to penetrate one’s mental defenses its deterioration began early-on in childhood. This explains why psychiatrists and psychologists dig far into patient upbringing and relationships with parents, siblings, and guardians if applicable. It is like putting too much of something not easily identified in the batter; something just doesn’t taste right, but I can’t put my finger on it! There are those who believe digging into the past has little to do with the cure while others, like me, understand that if the unidentified ingredient in the batter is not discovered, the finished product will always taste funny. It really does help to know origins; knowing allows us to move forward without blaming ourselves for things we weren’t able to avoid or control.

 

 If perhaps it comes out that one’s parents are the culprits, hating or punishing them is mute point. Most times, parents do the best they can; how and why may extend far back to their parents, grandparents and generations before.

 

 In Whoopi Goldberg’s comedy act, she tells, in a serious moment, how calling kids stupid effectively lowers their self-esteem. There are parents who call their kids stupid regularly. Some call them ignorant. It is not uncommon for kids to be denigrated by parents whose parents did likewise to them. You see, parents who inflict damaging self-image attacks at their kids are guilty of child abuse; only the law doesn’t find this activity criminal. If it was, too many kids would be in foster care while their parents do time. However, not everyone is raised to feel inferior.

 

 Many kids grow up in households where parents are well adjusted; dwelling little on misgivings and concentrating on building self-esteem and confidence. Such parents generally never raise a hand nor call their kids denigrating names. They open lines of communication during which an exchange of interpretation and ideas may ensue. They spend more time coaching on better ways and acts rather than criticizing failed or misguided attempts. They demonstrate feelings of trust and confidence that their kids will at least try to do what is right or best; to encourage them to think and evaluate before deciding a course of action. Rest assured, this does not perfect over night; it, like other learning processes, takes time. Because of positive reinforcement and demonstrated trust, most times offspring develop with a healthy sense of self. Careful though they must be, as not to cause their kids to feel superior (superiority complex).

 

I, and most, could probably expound on this subject indefinitely; however, I think the question was “Do you like you?”

 

So much that occurs succeeds or falls short as a result of how one feels about him or her self. It is amazing how transparent self perceptions are to onlookers. You feel you have it all covered; well, let me open your eyes. If you don’t like you, few will find reason to like you either. Think about it! Those that will gravitate to you are those who also feel inferior; as in “likes attract.”  

 

“Your thoughts are you! And if what you're thinking is garbage, well, like attracts like, so garbage within...garbage without.” Jim Donovan

 

What is “perception?”

 

Before I continue, I want you to get a bucket and fill it with “perception.” Factually, there is no such “thing” as “perception,” only mental assessments; how something or someone is thought of. Perceptions are in essence, thoughts. Thoughts can be changed. Therefore, if you perceive yourself poorly you can, after some effort, change those thoughts or self-perceptions. In the same vane, those with whom you come in contact will re-evaluate and see you in new and better ways. Only you can change their assessments. Again, as you slowly learn how to change how you see and like you; the way others see and like you will change in-kind.

 

It is well-known, successful people gravitate to others successful. They are repelled by negative aura. Conversely, because negative aura is shunned by the successful, they are destined to exist with others in a negative environment. No one said the transition is easy. Such proclivities become habits, and changing habits, good and bad, require tremendous energy and commitment.

 

Moreover, “It is not success than changes self-perception; it is self-perception that brings success or failure.” – Arnie Sherr